There comes a moment in some relationships when you realize you’re mismatched. Like socks, puzzle-pieces, china… something just doesn’t click. It’s not that either of you are bad but when it comes down to it you realize the lock doesn’t fit the key and it never will. You have to let go. It will suck, but at some point, you won’t have a choice.
I’m letting go for a number of reasons. I knew I had no choice when he said things would fade away by next fall and he was okay with that. He didn’t seem shaken or concerned that what was now wouldn’t be around later. At that point, I could no longer continue. It was too desolate a future.
There’s some quote that says to wait for the person you can’t live without. Well, I think there should be some statement for the person who can’t live without you, as well. In the fall, I’ll be in London, “away laughing on a fast camel,” Georgia Nicholson might say. Thankfully, what I won’t be is tied down. But I’m concerned to begin with that I was ever using terminology like “tied down” to describe whatever sort of relationship I had. I’m a communication studies major, which means it’s basically my religion to pay attention to rhetoric. And this time, unfortunately, all the words were pointing to goodbye.
It’s not that he wasn’t good and sweet and kind, he was. He was smart enough, too. I’d forgotten how nice it is to be with someone who knows you. A person who remembers what sauce you like at McDonald’s …what milkshake you want at Sonic… the celebrities you crush on; a person who knows your buttons and chooses not to press them. It was so nice being with someone who was content doing homework with me on Sunday, never commented on my calorie intake and cared to put up with my friends.
But that really can’t be enough can it? I say no. I want all those things, but I deserve more too. For now, while I might be a little sad, I’m letting go. I might step a little lighter, knowing I’m stronger. It wasn’t love. It was good company. Sometimes that’s hard to recognize. The future is foggy but not dark. I’m open to it.
If you’re like me, you can’t get enough of T-Swift. So for your musical enjoyment, I’ve provided all three of her latest singles off the album Red. Begin Again, We are never getting back together, and I knew You were trouble. Enjoy. I will. :)
I won’t deny I know what I’ve done. I attended his family gatherings in the sweetest of disguises. I positioned myself perfectly in the crook of his arm and laid my head on his chest on numerous occasions. I let him kiss my forehead and hold my hand. I let him cook me dinner, sipped his beer and listened while his little family secrets slipped into conversation here and there.
Maybe we used each other? No one wants to watch the fireworks alone. We wouldn’t be the first. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that right about the time I decided on having a summer fling, he casually took the seat next to me, cheersing our drinks without permission. I believe in fate after all.
I hadn’t planned on him though. I expected an absent-minded jock type. Not much more between the ears than whiskey and baseball. Of course I knew he was beautiful. I didn’t know he was sweet, and kind, and thoughtful. I never would’ve guessed he cared. I didn’t know he was such a hard worker, or that he laughed so much. I didn’t know he had bad vision like me, or intense road-rage. I never considered where his Mom might be, or how important his Step-Mom’s opinion was. I didn’t hear about his back injury. I sort of figured he got into Chapel Hill on extracurriculars and a couple good math tests. I didn’t know he was so fascinated by geography. I didn’t know he was kind of lonely. I didn’t know him at all.
It’s plain to me how lucky some girl’s going to be. He’s going to be someone’s “The One“. Not mine, but hopefully some worthy girl, somewhere floating below the mason-dixon. He’s not perfect, who is? He made a mistake or two, that’s for sure. Still, I hope we all find someone like him in the end, because my God, he was good.