There comes a moment in some relationships when you realize you’re mismatched. Like socks, puzzle-pieces, china… something just doesn’t click. It’s not that either of you are bad but when it comes down to it you realize the lock doesn’t fit the key and it never will. You have to let go. It will suck, but at some point, you won’t have a choice.
I’m letting go for a number of reasons. I knew I had no choice when he said things would fade away by next fall and he was okay with that. He didn’t seem shaken or concerned that what was now wouldn’t be around later. At that point, I could no longer continue. It was too desolate a future.
There’s some quote that says to wait for the person you can’t live without. Well, I think there should be some statement for the person who can’t live without you, as well. In the fall, I’ll be in London, “away laughing on a fast camel,” Georgia Nicholson might say. Thankfully, what I won’t be is tied down. But I’m concerned to begin with that I was ever using terminology like “tied down” to describe whatever sort of relationship I had. I’m a communication studies major, which means it’s basically my religion to pay attention to rhetoric. And this time, unfortunately, all the words were pointing to goodbye.
It’s not that he wasn’t good and sweet and kind, he was. He was smart enough, too. I’d forgotten how nice it is to be with someone who knows you. A person who remembers what sauce you like at McDonald’s …what milkshake you want at Sonic… the celebrities you crush on; a person who knows your buttons and chooses not to press them. It was so nice being with someone who was content doing homework with me on Sunday, never commented on my calorie intake and cared to put up with my friends.
But that really can’t be enough can it? I say no. I want all those things, but I deserve more too. For now, while I might be a little sad, I’m letting go. I might step a little lighter, knowing I’m stronger. It wasn’t love. It was good company. Sometimes that’s hard to recognize. The future is foggy but not dark. I’m open to it.
- Mismatched or Compatible? (littleprince68.wordpress.com)